Giving up on giving up.

Webcomics. It's probably the thing I'm best at, which is pretty fucking depressing considering the rather mediocre, amateurish level I work at.
So far, since I started doing comics, I've done something like six series and a couple of false starts. They always get cancelled rather unceremoniously, I take a 3 to 6 month break then start a new series which is pretty much the same fucking thing but with a different title.

So what's going on here? Well, making comics it's pretty important to me. Not that I think what I make is important, but the act of creation. Like I said, making comics is the one thing I've invested my time learning and practising. It's the thing I've obsessively been doing for a couple of decades now. This is where the problem lies.

It seems as there is always this build up of frustration with the limit of my own skills. A sense that my best is not that great to begin with, whether it be with the art or the writing... or both.
Even to this day I make comics to prove a point to myself. I want to prove that I can successfully take on something as difficult as making comics and be successful at it.
You see the problem there? I keep making comics to prove that point to myself and never quite getting there.
It's at that point that the illusion and hopes disappear and the ugly truth reveals itself. The truth that I'm no great writer or artists no matter how hard I try.
So I close shop. I say fuck it and use my time to play games or some shit.

Of course, before long, I start coming up with ideas for a new comic. Well, the same old ideas but with a different title, and the cycle repeats itself.
Why do I do this to myself?
Maybe it's because I must have at least some sort of self-destructing behaviour. I don't smoke (anymore), I don't drink that often and drugs are but a blurry memory of my misspent youth.
I'm drawn to making comics like a moth is drawn to a flame. 

So now that I've figured this out, what does it mean?
Well, now I understand that giving up on a series is pointless. I'm just going to start the same series again but with a different title.
So I'm resolute to keep going, maybe a bit less hopeful and without much in the way of dreams, but perhaps a tad wiser than before.