ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Before I start, I want to make it clear that I am not baiting for compliments. So please guys, it's okay, I just want to get some stuff out and although I appreciate it, I do not need compliments to make me feel better.
I've always had this weird love/hate relationship with drawing. I enjoyed the process of creating but at the same time I'm eternally frustrated at my own limitations. This frustration has grown over the years, over 20 to be exact, and there's no sign of getting better.
Let me start from the beginning. I've never had talent for art. In fact, I was the only person that I know of to have actually failed art at school. I didn't even think it was possible.
For some reason or other, I liked the idea of making a comic. I started to draw and I was shocked. I couldn't understand how drawing something could be so stupidly difficult.
You see, I was the kind of kid who would normally pick stuff pretty easily if I was interested enough. By age 13 I taught myself enough programming to make my own games so how difficult could drawing be?
I had this confidence that only the young and stupid had. I told myself that surely it was just a matter of persistence. So I stuck with it, for over twenty years, never really satisfied and forever shocked at how difficult the whole thing is.
A couple of years ago I went to a work function where this guy talked about all kinds of corporate self help bullshit. It was a load of bollocks. However, there was one thing that stuck with me and made me think. This guy said (I'm paraphrasing here) "Most people know what their strengths and weaknesses are. The biggest mistake you can make is to use your time and energy focusing on improving your weaknesses when you should have been playing your strengths."
It hit me like semi-trailer loaded with bricks. It was like a veil had been lifted before me and I could see my the trainwreck I've made of my life.
Okay, maybe 'trainwreck' is a bit overdramatic. I have a good job that's not overly demanding and pays me enough to live fairly comfortably, but it does explain my frustration. I know I'm okay at drawing, but I've never been great no matter how much effort I put into it. Drawing was an obsession because of the challenge, not because it was something I was meant to do. I've spent my entire life fighting my lack of talent because I hate the idea of not being good at something I'm interested in.
This is the reason why I refuse to call myself an artist. I'm a webcomic creator. Artists do... I dunno... ART!
I, on the other hand, draw just to show I can do it. It's a brick wall I'm headbutting to see what gives in first, the wall or my head.
This also explains my inability to stick to the one project. Sometimes my brains is overwhelmed with frustration that it just gives up, only to resume its regular programming few months later.
So now I sit back, drink in hand wondering what my life would've been if I had really played on my strengths and done something I was actually talented at. Who knows, I might've been able to make a real difference in the world (probably not but one can dream). Alas, it's too late to do anything about it now. I got bills to pay, mouths to feed and a mortgage to drown in.
Oh well, at least I've found that alcohol mixed with anti-depressants works a treat, specially when you keep the alcohol topped up.
CHEERS!
I've always had this weird love/hate relationship with drawing. I enjoyed the process of creating but at the same time I'm eternally frustrated at my own limitations. This frustration has grown over the years, over 20 to be exact, and there's no sign of getting better.
Let me start from the beginning. I've never had talent for art. In fact, I was the only person that I know of to have actually failed art at school. I didn't even think it was possible.
For some reason or other, I liked the idea of making a comic. I started to draw and I was shocked. I couldn't understand how drawing something could be so stupidly difficult.
You see, I was the kind of kid who would normally pick stuff pretty easily if I was interested enough. By age 13 I taught myself enough programming to make my own games so how difficult could drawing be?
I had this confidence that only the young and stupid had. I told myself that surely it was just a matter of persistence. So I stuck with it, for over twenty years, never really satisfied and forever shocked at how difficult the whole thing is.
A couple of years ago I went to a work function where this guy talked about all kinds of corporate self help bullshit. It was a load of bollocks. However, there was one thing that stuck with me and made me think. This guy said (I'm paraphrasing here) "Most people know what their strengths and weaknesses are. The biggest mistake you can make is to use your time and energy focusing on improving your weaknesses when you should have been playing your strengths."
It hit me like semi-trailer loaded with bricks. It was like a veil had been lifted before me and I could see my the trainwreck I've made of my life.
Okay, maybe 'trainwreck' is a bit overdramatic. I have a good job that's not overly demanding and pays me enough to live fairly comfortably, but it does explain my frustration. I know I'm okay at drawing, but I've never been great no matter how much effort I put into it. Drawing was an obsession because of the challenge, not because it was something I was meant to do. I've spent my entire life fighting my lack of talent because I hate the idea of not being good at something I'm interested in.
This is the reason why I refuse to call myself an artist. I'm a webcomic creator. Artists do... I dunno... ART!
I, on the other hand, draw just to show I can do it. It's a brick wall I'm headbutting to see what gives in first, the wall or my head.
This also explains my inability to stick to the one project. Sometimes my brains is overwhelmed with frustration that it just gives up, only to resume its regular programming few months later.
So now I sit back, drink in hand wondering what my life would've been if I had really played on my strengths and done something I was actually talented at. Who knows, I might've been able to make a real difference in the world (probably not but one can dream). Alas, it's too late to do anything about it now. I got bills to pay, mouths to feed and a mortgage to drown in.
Oh well, at least I've found that alcohol mixed with anti-depressants works a treat, specially when you keep the alcohol topped up.
CHEERS!
Tips
1 Subscriber
You will get access to the full art of my commissions and requests, and not be limited to the preview of them anymore.
$1/month
Anyone still here?
So, is anyone still paying attention to this account?
Thank you!
Thank you to the mystery person that gifted me a Core subscription! I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I am grateful!
My Pet Succubus leaving DA... Again.
Hey, I would like to thank all 20-30 of you guys that follow My Pet Succubus here on DA. However, the comic is struggling to survive and I need to consolidate its readerbase. Because of this, I will return to posting links to the latest comic. I hope this doesn't disappoint too much, but to be fair, the comic never got much traction here on DA. And it's a terrible place to post comics anyway as the interface isn't made for it.
New episode of My Pet Succubus is now up on Tapas!
New episode "Relations - Part 1" is now up! Read it here: https://tapas.io/episode/2138728
© 2017 - 2024 Carlos-the-G
Comments7
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Unfortunately, you said that you're not baiting for compliments, so my message will be quite "short" and, as I'm a french-mediocre-english-speaker, it will sound like a kind of list (also, I have to point out that it's not made to comfort you, as you and I are likely to hate that).
To be on the same logic than the guy you're speaking of : focusing on your regrets isn't so different from focusing on your weaknesses ; even if it was too late to change, why don't you focus on your successes ? For example, some people in the other side of earth are waiting every weeks for your next drawings (I know, they're not so many, but they probably like it -not only their contents- even if they are not good).
But I disagree with this guy : what about the satisfaction with being good (I don't say "perfect") at a lot of things ? The best writter in the wolrd may be as efficient as a designer, if he doesn't know how to draw... well... he doesn't know how to draw. Better listen to Gandalf ! "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." You chose. And you know how to draw (even if you're unsatisfied).
Unfortunately, we can't be perfect at everything we are interested in. But we can be interested in as much things as possible, and being good at it (that doesn't prevent you from being perfect in what you want).
Maybe I'm mistaken, but be careful with self depreciation : it could be really efficient, but as you probably know, it's dangerous if you don't know how to controle it (like a cursed sword, or the Force O.O), then it becomes useless as it tires you and prevent you from doing other many things (I'm in a good position to know that).
The last thing will probaby the only one to be important in this message : We all are rough draft. If you don't accept it, you will never be happy (I have to mention that a rough draft could sounds good).
Also, there is something I wish to understand about your vision of what you do (the question of "why are we creating" fascinates me) : you only spoke about your drawings, but what about their contents ? Are your drawings a way to show stories (I don't know if you agree to say "universe"), something you like to do ? or a way to ask for consideration (but I think, it's quite the same thing for almost everyone who draw, write etc) ? Do I misunderstand ?
To be on the same logic than the guy you're speaking of : focusing on your regrets isn't so different from focusing on your weaknesses ; even if it was too late to change, why don't you focus on your successes ? For example, some people in the other side of earth are waiting every weeks for your next drawings (I know, they're not so many, but they probably like it -not only their contents- even if they are not good).
But I disagree with this guy : what about the satisfaction with being good (I don't say "perfect") at a lot of things ? The best writter in the wolrd may be as efficient as a designer, if he doesn't know how to draw... well... he doesn't know how to draw. Better listen to Gandalf ! "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." You chose. And you know how to draw (even if you're unsatisfied).
Unfortunately, we can't be perfect at everything we are interested in. But we can be interested in as much things as possible, and being good at it (that doesn't prevent you from being perfect in what you want).
Maybe I'm mistaken, but be careful with self depreciation : it could be really efficient, but as you probably know, it's dangerous if you don't know how to controle it (like a cursed sword, or the Force O.O), then it becomes useless as it tires you and prevent you from doing other many things (I'm in a good position to know that).
The last thing will probaby the only one to be important in this message : We all are rough draft. If you don't accept it, you will never be happy (I have to mention that a rough draft could sounds good).
Also, there is something I wish to understand about your vision of what you do (the question of "why are we creating" fascinates me) : you only spoke about your drawings, but what about their contents ? Are your drawings a way to show stories (I don't know if you agree to say "universe"), something you like to do ? or a way to ask for consideration (but I think, it's quite the same thing for almost everyone who draw, write etc) ? Do I misunderstand ?