So I've been playing Kingdoms Of Amalur: Reckoning (What is it with try-hard fantasy titles always containing the word "Reckoning"?). It's like a diet Skyrim.
Not really a bad game but it got me thinking. Although I enjoyed Skyrim, there was one thing that bothered me. In fact, something that has bothered about most RPG. Where's the fantasy?
Seriously, it's all about elves, dwarves and fucking mages. Fuck I hate mages. It's always the same fucking thing!
But is not just RPGs, it's every fucking game! They play it so safe! They're either 'fantasy', war or space marines with a couple of Mafia ones thrown in.
I fired up a couple of SNES and Megadrive games yesterday. I was fighting an aircraft carrier... ON LAND!!!! Pew, pew!!! There were bullets and missiles everywhere! My jet fighter was spewing napalm death and I was loving every second of it!
The game was Area 88. You just don't get that level of undiluted fun these days. I had to have some more.
So I played Contra Spirits. Fuck yeah! Nothing like early nineties heroes, they all had bandanas and no sleeves!! I had guided missiles, flame throwers, a cool hover bike and a mullet. You can't stop me!!
About the fourth stage, a helicopter showed up. I jumped up and held onto a missile it was carrying. He then fired me towards an alien cruiser. I WAS FIGHTING AN ALIEN SHIP WHILE BOUNCING OFF INCOMING MISSILES!!!
And don't get me started with Gunstar Heroes on the Megadrive!! You fight trains, shape shifting robots, EVEN MELON BREAD!!!! CAN YOU NAME A SINGLE GAME TODAY WHERE YOU FIGHT MELON BREAD?!!
Where did all this go then? Where did it disappear to? Are we so obsessed with photorealism and real life physics that we forgot the fun?
Rocket Knight Adventures, Thunderforce IV, Streets Of Rage, Rocky And Pocky, Gynoug, Ex-Ranza, Zero Wing, Ninja Gaiden, Wild Guns, FInal Fight... how I miss games like these.
Bring back the madness, please. I want to have fun again.
Listening to: The Aggrolites and Ska!